Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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