1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
