I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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