Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
