when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
