He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
