i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
this will be a night to untag.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
