p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
