There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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