question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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