u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
