So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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