And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize