Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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