so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Randomize
