There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
