I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
