Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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