My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
