I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
