I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
