Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
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