Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
