Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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