There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
