Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
