sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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