Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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