never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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