this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
