Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
so let's talk penis.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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