My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
