Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
