my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize