Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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