Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
