DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
