I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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