They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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