So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
