TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
