member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
