How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
