He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize