remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
