I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
