my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
