you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Who died my cat blue again?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
