i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize