I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
