if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
