walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
