During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize