is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
