Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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