Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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