I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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