3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You may now shotgun with the bride
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
