how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize