I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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