the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
