Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
