I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
