When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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