How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My bed smells like the plague
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
