I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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