So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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