I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
