If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
