I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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