I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
