Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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