nut hugger
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
