the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Randomize
