Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
