the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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